Another blog about poop

I saw this interview once with Julia Roberts where she was talking about how glorious motherhood is (apparently she likes her kids, despite the fact that she named them Phinneas and Hazel.) During the course of this interview she mentions an incident in which she actually catches poop with her bare hand, like she just reached out and caught a wayward log. At the time, I remember thinking that this was a) gross, b) an unnecessary revelation, and c) puzzling, because I could not fathom an incident in which poop would be loose, or why one would not have something else to catch it with.

Enter Brynn. Since this is all about poop anyway, I'll take a second to mention that unlike most nursed babies, she does not have happy, odorless little poops every day. No, instead she holds it all in for like three days and then unloads in a giant blowout that not only takes out whatever she's wearing but also takes out anyone in the room by way of sinus burnage. So this morning was That Day, where she pooed the big poo. I'm changing her, and manage to use the remaining fifty wipes left in the box and get her cleaned up. I reach for the clean diaper, when all of a sudden it begins again. What do I do? I have no wipes! I have no choice but to reach out my hand...

After the lengthy shower I took to try and sterilize myself (and think of me and Julia's new bond), I emerge from my lovely, steamy bathroom which smells pleasantly of Pantene and pomegrante body wash, only to find that the rest of my house smells simply unreal. You know in Star Wars when Han has to eviscerate the Tauntaun? This is what I thought of when I smelled this. This could only be Jacob. For a child that does not eat, he poops way too much. Should a diet of raisins, crackers and soy milk (oh yeah, he's allergic to milk, not peanuts) really cause three bowel movements a day? I think he does it just to see me gag. And I do, I really do.
So I decided to revive my long-abandoned potty training mission by bribing him with Halloween candy. After about 10 minutes, I finally persuaded him to sit on the chair. 15 minutes after that, I got him to sit on it without a diaper. Another 10 minutes and he hopped off and peed on the rug. I decided to try again later. However, the monster that I created no longer wanted to wear a diaper at all. He wanted to run around free, at least until he scuffed up his junk and sadly presented me with his diaper. I consider that an indirect victory.

So, well, I guess we're getting a little closer to the potty training goal. Jake just doesn't seem that interested. I guess I can't blame him. Sometimes I get busy doing other things and I don't want to take a break either. I don't poop in my pants, but I do make that concious decision. Every time.