Day 1 (or: The Acquisition of the Shop Vac)

Tom went back to work yesterday after some time off to enjoy the arrival of Wyatt. It was very helpful to have him here, although many of the projects around the house that I was hoping would get done while he was home remain unfinished. Still, having extra hands to change diapers and make dinner is always a bonus and it was nice to have some family time.

But duty calls, and back to work he went(only to come home and declare that he should have taken more time off). I wouldn't say I was nervous about being on my own with all the kids. Not apprehensive, either... and not exactly dreading... maybe just a little resigned at the thought of hauling four kids with me everywhere I go. But the only place we had to be yesterday was tumbling class at 10am, for which we have to be out the door by 9:30. I think I did pretty well-- everyone was fed, bathed, clothed, and ready to go on time. That's no small feat to do single-handed, given that I was the only one in a hurry, but also the only one who was forced to stop everything to feed the baby and could only sit on the couch and yell at the other kids to hurry up. Anyway, we went to tumbling, where Norah was very very well behaved for the hour and Wyatt slept in his sling without a peep. We made it home and had lunch with no problems, and then everyone laid down for a nap. What a nice, easy day, I thought to myself as I sat down to feed Wyatt...

Apparently I fell asleep while nursing the baby, like I frequently do. And not just dozing, either. I was out cold. Which is why I didn't know that both Jacob and Bean were up from their naps, and why when Jacob came out to the living room to wake me up I just couldn't quite get my eyes open.

"Mom, Bean went poop and now there's water coming out of the toilet!"

I could hear the toilet running, but I was so groggy I kind of had this thought that maybe it would stop in a minute. I still didn't have my eyes open. I don't know how many minutes passed before I realized that the toilet was still running, and it was probably a good idea to check out the situation. So I hauled myself off the couch still half asleep, put Wyatt down in his bed, and headed in the direction of the bathroom. When I got to the kitchen-- "Oh poop" was really the only thing to say (no pun intended). There was water flowing out of the bathroom into the kitchen and dining room, and it was already almost up to my ankles. I don't know the dimensions of my kitchen, but I know we bought the house because it had the biggest kitchen we could find. And the water had crept far enough to threaten the living room carpet, and that's got to be like fifteen feet away from the bathroom. There were also some suspect floaters in the water and as horrible as the sight of all that water was, I wasn't about to just jump in with my bare feet. I grabbed my flip flops and started wading into the bathroom, where the water was even deeper and water was pouring out of the toilet. I quickly reached behind and turned off the water, which solved the first of the many problems I now faced. Then I stood there for a minute, feeling sorry for myself.

Sloshing back out into the kitchen I threw down a few towels to prevent further seepage into the carpet, but there was no way I was going to try and sop up what looked like 100 gallons of poo water with towels (this being our previous method of toilet overflow disaster recovery. No, this was not the first time I've faced this.) "Self," I said to myself, "we're going out to buy a Shop Vac."

However, there is no way that it was as easy as jumping in the car and grabbing a wetvac and coming home again. No, not a chance. For one, Norah was still sleeping. So was Wyatt. I was pretty sure that since it was about 3pm, Norah wouldn't wake up hungry-- but Wyatt would. I went in there to grab him and sure enough, his little bird beak face started rooting around and I spent the next 25 minutes sitting on the couch with him while my kitchen floor marinated in sewage. Then, finally, I was able to go in and wake up Norah and start the shoe-finding, carseat-buckling process.

Luckily, Lowe's is only about 10 minutes away. Even though it was almost 4pm by the time we got there, it only took about 15 minutes to locate the shop vacs and choose one that suited my needs. (Six gallons, $50. Perfect.) I was feeling good as I approached the checkout... and then I saw it. One lone light on, and about 15 people lined up at the register. Seriously? One register open? This is Lowe's, not some podunk North Dakota True Value. I got in line, and waited, and waited, and waited. In front of me was this lady who kept staring at me. I was starting to get uncomfortable, but thank the heavens, an old guy behind me decided to strike up a conversation. I was wearing Wyatt in the baby sling, which I frequently have people asking me about. Not usually weird old men, but whatever. He looked and talked just like the bloodhound owner on "Best in Show", if that means anything to you. And he started telling me this bizarre story about he and his wife sneaking his infant grandson into a casino in Shreveport in a big shopping bag. We were inching toward the front of the line, but not fast enough. I was starting to sweat. Meanwhile, my kitchen floor was still soaking in poo juice...

Finally Staring Lady in front of me gets to the register. And then it happened. No, they didn't open up a second register. It was The Price Check. Why does this invariably happen? You wait in line for 20 minutes and just as you get to the front of the line, they either finally open that second register, or the person in front of you chooses to buy something that the store evidently did not know they carried. Finally someone wanders up to the register next door and decides to help out (the line was seriously long behind me) and crazy Casino Man bolts over there with his rose food and aphid killer. He apologized for cutting me off, but apparently didn't feel bad enough for me standing there with my four kids to not cut me off.

All right, back home again. By the time I got back home it was around 5pm, and suspiciously a lot of the water was gone. Where did it go? The walls? I don't know. I do know that I still was able to almost fill the 6 gallon shop vac with the water that was left. Several hours and two moppings later, the floor was finally clean again. In the course of me cleaning, Tom came home only to have to turn around and go back in for something. When he came back he did bring me a delicious veggie sub and macadamia nut Subway cookies, so I had that going for me. By 9pm, I was exhausted and ready for bed. By 11, I actually made it to bed.

All in all, it was about what I should have expected from Day 1 of the Four Kid Experience. So far, Day 2 has been entirely uneventful. I am both relieved and afraid.