On the Move

I really need to take the time to start documenting this move! This has been the most stressful and chaotic year of my life, but it is definitely full of adventure (how could it not be?) So here is the condensed version of the last few months:

September: Kids started school. I started school. Tom was still in school in OK. House was for sale with not one looker in over a month on the market, so we decided to pull it and put it up for rent. Discovered rental market was just as dismal as sales market. Person taking Harold could no longer take Harold. Increasing stress over packing and moving. Still 98 degrees every freaking day.

October: Tom finally home from OK for good. Found someone to take Harold. I somehow found time to stress over my impending 30th birthday. Further stress over packing and moving. Desire to leave Texas conflicting with  desire to have calm, normal life and 'forever house'. Mini-breakdowns over giving away our pets. Found renters for our house. Celebrated 6th wedding anniversary. Stressed about how to keep up with school once we were on the road. Stressed over not having enough time to dedicate to the kids' schoolwork. Through crazy Army/hometown connection found perfect home for Holly. Had another case of sads over losing pets. Still 98 degrees every freaking day. Had fun going out with friends for birthday/Halloween. 30th birthday arrived without the world imploding, and with more birthday wishes from friends than I could even dream of-- so grateful that I have such awesome friends and family. Sad because I never get to see them. Drive to Austin to sell minivan to CarMax for fair price and no-hassle transaction, but wish they would have given us a little more. Starbucks ain't cheap. Halloween with the kids in the midst of packing/shipping.

November: House finally empty, cleaning one last time. Stress over how to fit things into suitcases and duffels. Eventually just shoved everything in and hopped in the truck. Said goodbyes to friends, left Killeen for good. LONGEST CAR RIDE EVER to ND. Arrived in Grand Forks and finally had time to relax and enjoy family.... no, wait. Had to drive back down to Fargo to give up Dexter. Many deep breaths. Got to visit with Christa! Got a speeding ticket. Next day had to give away Holly; tempted to have full-on breakdown. No time for weakness; I realize my schoolwork has been piling up and I am way behind. Spend next 10 days desperately trying to catch up while living out of a suitcase, trying to enjoy family time, hoping my kids aren't driving my in-laws insane, shopping for winter clothes, and trying stay warm in this cold, cold place. AWESOME family pictures taken by the amazing Elizabeth Seamands. Stress over coordinating trip to Cities, visiting with friends, planning Thanksgiving for 60 people (not alone; with the help of my family but I've never done it before), giving up Harold, and the rapidly approaching day when I have to leave it all to move to another continent. Where I do not have a house, or know what will happen when we get there. Stress over German driver's license test, which I do not have time to study for. Stress over German language, which I do not have time to learn. Stress over living out of suitcases for a long, long time to come. Possibly into January.

Pretty much brings us to now, right? The last five months or so have been pure stress, and as far as I can see forward there is no endpoint. When we were still in Killeen I had a couple of mini-panic attacks over moving, and I am feeling them creep back up on me. I'm pretty sure the closer we get to that airplane, the more deep breaths I'm going to have to take. Maybe I should get some Xanax or something before we leave.

Everyone has lots of questions about Germany, what it will be like for us, where we'll live, where our kids will go to school... and the answer to all of them is "I don't know". I don't know anything until we get there. So essentially I'm packing up my entire family and moving into the great unknown. Why did I agree to this?? I was seduced by dreams of sausage and giant pretzels and beer festivals. I don't even like beer that much!

[Sidenote: I have so much empathy for immigrants, who do all of these same things without the benefit of people to pay for moving their stuff and a firm support system upon arrival. I can't believe people do this voluntarily and permanently. Cut them some slack, they've gone through insanity just to get here.]

I went to my favorite massage therapist on Monday for some stress relief magic, and at one point he asked me, "Do you ever just sit back and applaud yourself?" To which I had to answer "no"-- I'm a mom, and my job is never, ever done. There is always more. And if I sat down for even a minute and thought I had done enough, I might not get back up. So I plug away, doing what I have to do, and while I secretly think I might be kind of awesome, I don't say it out loud because I'm not sure that everything is taken care of and whether my kids are well-behaved and most likely need a bath and my homework isn't finished and my house is messy and I haven't paid that speeding ticket yet. I will concede that if there is any mom who earns her Starbucks a couple of times a week, it's me (I'm not a saint).

Okay, you've made it this far, like me, you deserve a little levity in your day. I don't want to bring everyone down :) So I give you the gift of Norah:

A while back Norah was rummaging around in my room and found a piece of lingerie. It wasn't anything amazing (think fancy jammies), but Norah of course loves anything satiny and pink and pretty. So she says, what's this? And I said, it's just my jammies. She said, do you wear it for dancing? And I said, sure, Norah, I wear it for dancing. Norah asked, do you wear it for dancing with Daddy? I'm wondering where on earth she comes up with this stuff, but I'm always game for a funny conversation so I say, sure, Norah, I wear it for dancing for Daddy. And that was the end of it. Ha ha, kids ask funny questions.

A few weeks later we're walking through the "Intimates" section of Target, where Norah loves to look at the lingerie and tell me how beautiful everything is. As we are going past the stuff displayed in the main aisle, she points to a particularly skimpy lace teddy-looking thing and yells with an incredible amount of excitement: "Look, Mommy! It's the pretty jammies you wear for dancing for Daddy!"