The new year has brought some new changes, which I'm grateful for. 2014 was just the worst year for our family. From start to finish, it was stressful and anxiety-ridden and heartwrenching and I am still too close to it to see it as a growth experience and not just a period of time I would like to obliterate from my memory. Coming into last fall we started to feel a little stability, but it wasn't until the end of the year that I was brave enough to start venturing out and putting down some roots. If I am being honest here, it still feels too scary to get attached to living in one place. I really like Sun Prairie and the Madison area. But I am not only coming from nine Army years where it was not wise to get attached to any particular place, I am also coming from last year in which I learned that even outside of Army life it was not wise to be too set on the idea of a particular kind of life. I'm sure it's healthier not to plan too much for the future and just enjoy life as it is now anyway.
So now I'm starting to get the kids into some things outside of school. The girls started gymnastics, after months of waiting for me to get up to speed. Brynn loves it, and Norah loves it when she gets there. Evidently she forgets how much she likes it when it is time to get ready to leave the house. She may or may not continue. Jacob just finished a computer programming course, and will start a robotics course next week. He also started swimming lessons last week. Wyatt is doing "March Madness" basketball at the YMCA. We signed up for a trial membership at the local athletic club, and I've been going to yoga and pilates classes several times a week. Yes, voluntary exercise for the first time ever! Go me!
Through volunteering at the library I found myself joining the board of the Sun Prairie Library Foundation, which is a fund-raising organization. I joined because they said they needed someone with writing skills. It's only been about a month, so I haven't really done anything yet besides attend some committee meetings and feel waaay out of my depth among this group of well-connected professionals. I know it's good to do things that are out of my comfort zone and everyone has been very welcoming and confident that I will be of good use to the group. It is still very scary.
I have applied for a few jobs, and been rejected from a few jobs. I did have an interview a few weeks back for a really low-level position in a government library (the forestry service, it was a whole library about wood). I am coming to some realizations about seeking employment at this point in my life, which are the sources of very mixed emotions for me. First, getting a library job is very difficult. Yes, I was told this many times. I didn't expect it to feel quite so hopeless. It's not only that there is a ton of competition for every single job that is advertised-- it's that there are so few of them to begin with. Second, I have yet to figure out what else I am qualified to do and where to find those jobs. I faced this problem right out of college as well. Some people are good at networking, applying for everything that is possibly a fit, and finding what works. I'm not. Third, I would have to find a job that has a lot-- a lot-- of flexibility because of the kids, as well as one that pays enough to cover the costs of after-school and summer care for four children. I am pretty much an entry-level employee, as far as I can tell. Everyone remembers those first few jobs out of college, the crap job with the crap pay that often had the crap hours. Library work isn't 9-5 weekdays to begin with and a job that is only evenings and weekends (and pays $14 an hour) just isn't feasible for our family. At the point where working would cost us money and cause a lot of schedule-stress (if I could even get a job), obviously it doesn't make sense to work! Wouldn't zillions of working parents love to hear that? Yes. Yes, they would. Maybe not this mom, right in this moment, who worked really hard to get a degree in the field she loves only to find that this may or may not be a career path that will ever pan out. Come summer, when I can be outside reading all day or lounging by the pool or lake, I will likely be singing a different tune and secretly loving my extreme unemployability.
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| This guy still needs someone to make sure he's prepared for the weather. |
But that brings me to point four: being the mom of four elementary-aged children is still almost a full-time job. There is not a week that goes by when I am not taking someone to an appointment, picking someone sick up from school, running an errand that has to be done on a weekday, or just doing household stuff that would honestly take all weekend to do if I was gone 40 hours a week. Sure, I have a lot more me-time than I did one or three or six years ago, but I'm pretty sure no employer would appreciate the number of hours I'd be missing just to take care of my kids medical and dental stuff. One curveball that life has thrown is that I still have no one else to call when my kids have an emergency. There are no grandparents or relatives or friends that can help in a pinch. It still has to be either Tom or me. Are we used to this life? Of course. But it does make adding a second job (a third, if you consider Tom's one weekend a month and however many weeks a year a part time job) kind of difficult. The nice ladies at the front desk at the kids' school are encouraging me to substitute teach and I'm thinking about that for next year. For right now I can say that as I deal with my kids getting older and not having any "littles" left in my house after so many years of tiny company, it is nice to know I am still needed.
That is a short and sweet snapshot of our year so far. There's a juicier Part II to what we're dealing with right now, but writing always takes longer than I think it will and I should probably go pick up some groceries today, since the kids have a long weekend and bringing them grocery shopping is not high on my "fun family activities" list! But I promise to make myself follow up with the "Crappy Rotten Parents and Their Crappy Rotten Kids" entry very soon.
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