I met a lady today who had a one-month old baby. She mentioned something about how she had done a homebirth. She said it was great for her, and I didn't really ask a whole lot of questions (we were at the zoo with the kids, so it was hard to keep a running conversation going).
I like natural things, yes. I would place myself far closer to hippie than cosmopolitan on the spectrum of personality, yes. Would I choose to give birth in my living room? Not so much. I wouldn't say I am opposed to people doing this, as long as they are smart about it. I've heard plenty of women say, 'women have been giving birth at home for thousands of years'. To those people I say (in my head), 'until the 20th century childbirth was the number one cause of death among women. Suck on that.' Those are not the smart women. The smart women are the ones who choose to do a homebirth after they've already had a kid and know how they will tolerate labor and delivery, who have a professional there with them, and have a well thought out emergency plan. For those adventurous ladies, more power to you.
But here's my angle. First off, I am a huge weenie. At the first sign of anything resembling pain, I will scream for an epidural. Why should hurt if it doesn't have to? Believe you me, there will still be plenty of pain later on, if that's what you crave. You can't expect your bajingo to turn inside out and then just snap back into place. Second, giving birth is messy, and fairly disgusting. I suppose you'd want to invest in some heavy duty tarps and whatnot, but what do you do with the... stuff? Can you toss a placenta in a dumpster? Just the thought of all the... stuff gives me the willies, and at a hospital they whisk it away, out of your sight ASAP. No way do I want piles of bloody towels and buckets of... stuff laying around my house. Ew. Third, after it's all over, I personally enjoy being waited on hand and foot for a few days before I have to go home and reclaim the role of mom and housekeeper. At a normal hospital, there are people to change the baby, take the baby away so you can enjoy a nap, wash the baby, whatever you want (not at my hospital, but that's a story for another time.) I'm not saying you couldn't arrange for those things in your homebirth scenario, but I'm just going to opt for the one where there are no chores that even need to be done. This is also the scenario where I send my husband and children home for the majority of the day. Hey, you only get a few days of this treatment, and it only comes around as often as you have a kid. I'll take it.
Bottom line: You will not sell me on giving birth in my bathtub, in my bed, or in a little inflatable pool in my living room. I will be comfortably drugged and saying "for shizzle" to the nice nurse who offers to put little footie slippers on me and cover me with the extra blanket while I watch a Cosby marathon on Nick at Nite. There will be no fun breathing exercises, working with the pain, or placentas in my bedroom. Does that kick me out of the hippie-wannabe club? Maybe. Will I still be punching the button on the epidural-boosting gizmo until it beeps to tell me I'll be paralyzed for life if I have any more? For shizzle.
0 comments:
Post a Comment