Another month, another La Leche League meeting. The usual cast of Earthmoms were there, plus a few new faces. One new face in particular stood out. But really where I'm going today is a word about modesty, and etiquette.
So this one lady in particular had dark hair that was bleached in that terrible way that makes it orange (but not recently, so it had some great roots). She had a slightly-too-large nostril stud. She was loud, and not altogether appropriate (she asked Storytime Heather, who has a mildly disabled daughter, "what's wrong with your kid?) Did I mention that she was about 250 lbs, wearing a size small tank top, and shortie shorts? Oh yes. I'm not saying she wasn't nice, because she was. But her kids were hellions and she was... a little coarse, that's all. I painted you that picture so that I could paint you this one: She was describing things she does that help her lose weight (??), one of which is salsa dancing while pacing with the baby. This is actually a pretty good idea if you pace with your baby. And know how to salsa dance, which I really do not. But apparently it involves a lot of hip swiveling, rump shaking, and boob thrusting. How do I know this? Because she demonstrated, oh yes she did, and she demonstrated this while she was nursing, with the teeny tank top somewhere up near her neck, ginormous bosoms a go-go for all to see, and baby perched on her spare tire. It was an eye-searing moment that I really didn't need. Later, Storytime Heather (who is always polite) mentioned that this month's meeting was 'interesting'. I am less polite, so now you know why.
I do not consider myself to be the most modest person around. I'm up there, but I don't wear high collars and long pants in the summer or anything. I think it comes back to my sense of self-awareness: I do not want you to see anything unsightly about me, so I will hide as much as is necessary. Now, I know we were at a meeting celebrating breastfeeding, and it was all women, and it's not like I don't know what a boob looks like. None of that, however, indicates that I want to see your boobs. I absolutely do not. If you're only using one, put the other one away. If you're not using them at all, put them away. While you're using them, cover up as much as you can. I really cannot have a serious conversation with you if your nipple is staring at me like some sort of fleshy third eye. Oh yeah, and if your boob is bigger than the eight month old kid you're feeding... skip lunch. (Mean, maybe. Life's tough.)
And as long as I'm talking about boobs, I will share that Norah has entered the stage of life where boobs are her friends. She smiles when she sees them coming, hugs them and pats them lovingly while she eats, and when she is done she sings them a little song. She also has been known to dive for them, even from someone else's arms, if it's been awhile. She just loves her "Happy Boobtime Fun Hour" (Try giving things Japanese game show names, it's fun.)
I realize I shared a boob-related story only minutes after ripping on the Earthmoms and their penchant for public exposure. But it was a cute story, it was not coarse, and most importantly I kept my shirt on the whole time.
Oh yeah, and if you're wondering how the over-enthusiastic nursing/supplimenting mom is doing, she's GREAT! Still just as enthusiastic, still nursing and supplementing, plus now solid food feeding. Her kid is a porker and pooped twice during the meeting. She wants to know how she can get her baby to stop waking up to eat six times a night. What?!
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